So I'm in this situation where I quit a job where management was unfair and borderline abusive through psychological manipulation and physical exhaustion, back in the end of February. I suffered with ptsd and abandonment trauma because this guy who got me hooked on him stopped contact with me because he didn't have patience to deal with me being neurodivergent and because he feared I would out him, I think, but I absolutely would never have done that. It was a difficult situation. I left the job and he thought I was leaving him or something, I don't friggin know, but that was not the case, he just didn't realize the effect he had on me or didn't care. In any case he withdrew.So after a few weeks I got a job at a fast food restaurant but I had begun wrestling with spiritual beliefs, my baseline psychological probems, a sort of CPTD that came from the last job situation, complete heartbreak that the man I thought gave a shit actually didn't, the loss of my self-worth and any independence I had, and the fracturing of my once-integrated, selfsovereign, trauma-free mind. I was absolutely destroyed. So, I couldn't handle the job because I just couldn't focus, I was in shock basically. They fired me after like 5-6 weeks. i didn't care, it was a mediocre job and I gave it my best shot.Since June I've been unemployed. My old work has a reputation for shit talking people who dare to quit their control, so getting another job in the field I had been successful in for 15 years and was very capable at was esentially impossible. So, being shut in my house seeing nobody and having no friends or any way to leave (can't afford a car) forced me to start looking into online work. Online WFH is a hellscape. You can't find anything worthwhile or reliabel; they just want your data and ID and stuff. Unemployment denied me because they didn't believe I was in enough distress to warrant quitting (I appealed and have not heard back). So my parents have been keeping me afloat.Now, though, i t's been a long time and I have $0. (My parents don't let me have my own accounts because they think I'll be irresponsible with it). I can't open my own account without starting money. I'm torn apart by narratives on social media that target pople with promises of self-transformation and new begginings but are really just brainwashing. I'm in literal hell. I went through a shamanic soulcraft initiation following a upposedly accidental merge with my twin flame, or so i experienced, I struggle with my faith, I awakened beyond the universe, I'm stuck in the altright quantum net, I can't afford a single thing and there are no jobs to get that aren't literal slavery. I do not know what to do. I've been in suicidal-level collapses several times, but I have never had that problem before. I refuse to call emergency services or go into a psych ward because I am positive that I'll be more miserable if I'm entered into the control of the system and I'd still have no personal agency.That's just a staus update. I have nothing and no way out. I want to die. I'm READY to die. And nobody is listening.
So I'm in this situation where I quit a job where management was unfair and borderline abusive through psychological manipulation and physical exhaustion, back in the end of February. I suffered with ptsd and abandonment trauma because this guy who got me hooked on him stopped contact with me because he didn't have patience to deal with me being neurodivergent and because he feared I would out him, I think, but I absolutely would never have done that. It was a difficult situation. I left the job and he thought I was leaving him or something, I don't friggin know, but that was not the case, he just didn't realize the effect he had on me or didn't care. In any case he withdrew. So after a few weeks I got a job at a fast food restaurant but I had begun wrestling with spiritual beliefs, my baseline psychological probems, a sort of CPTD that came from the last job situation, complete heartbreak that the man I thought gave a shit actually didn't, the loss of my self-worth and any independence I had, and the fracturing of my once-integrated, selfsovereign, trauma-free mind. I was absolutely destroyed. So, I couldn't handle the job because I just couldn't focus, I was in shock basically. They fired me after like 5-6 weeks. i didn't care, it was a mediocre job and I gave it my best shot. Since June I've been unemployed. My old work has a reputation for shit talking people who dare to quit their control, so getting another job in the field I had been successful in for 15 years and was very capable at was esentially impossible. So, being shut in my house seeing nobody and having no friends or any way to leave (can't afford a car) forced me to start looking into online work. Online WFH is a hellscape. You can't find anything worthwhile or reliabel; they just want your data and ID and stuff. Unemployment denied me because they didn't believe I was in enough distress to warrant quitting (I appealed and have not heard back). So my parents have been keeping me afloat. Now, though, i t's been a long time and I have $0. (My parents don't let me have my own accounts because they think I'll be irresponsible with it). I can't open my own account without starting money. I'm torn apart by narratives on social media that target pople with promises of self-transformation and new begginings but are really just brainwashing. I'm in literal hell. I went through a shamanic soulcraft initiation following a upposedly accidental merge with my twin flame, or so i experienced, I struggle with my faith, I awakened beyond the universe, I'm stuck in the altright quantum net, I can't afford a single thing and there are no jobs to get that aren't literal slavery. I do not know what to do. I've been in suicidal-level collapses several times, but I have never had that problem before. I refuse to call emergency services or go into a psych ward because I am positive that I'll be more miserable if I'm entered into the control of the system and I'd still have no personal agency. That's just a staus update. I have nothing and no way out. I want to die. I'm READY to die. And nobody is listening.